everything is changing and its going to be for the better. i can actually say that im happy and it feels good. theres only one thing missing in my life right now. i daydream about way too much shit. i think about too much shit all the time. the dangerous summer in a week i cant wait. i need the summer, i cant wait for it to finally be a decent temperature everyday. the summer is when i actually feel alive...

I feel like a lot has changed since the beginning of school. I've become a lot closer with some people and i'm really content with it. I don't care about who i'm really with as long as it's my best friends. Christmas is getting closer and closer. All I have been thinking about lately when I see a cute girl, is that I want to be with someone so bad. I just miss the feeling of not being able to wait to see a girl, and feel amazingg when you're with her. Laughing and smiling and being happy. I don't want to sleep because I love thinking about being with someone. I really give up on this one girl. It's obvious she has other things in her life and is too busy. Me and my friends need new girls to hang out with on the weekends so if you're cute hang out with us!!! Lol sometimes when i'm drunk i'll see a girl and tell myself how amazing she is and how she is like my dream girl. The perfect girl. I always seem to find one when i'm drunk. I don't care anymore. I want to do really good in school from now on so I can really do what I want in life. I think about it more and more everyday. If I just do good in school, get into a good 4 year college. Get an internship, get a job, get on with my life, be happy. That's how I want thing to be. And a girl who is perfect, someone who understands me and is crazy about me. Night for now.

you were the last good thing about this part of town

there are 2 bands who got me into music. linkin park and fall out boy. i remember the first fall out boy cd i had, a burned copy of take this to your grave, i still have it. i remember i was just kinda of experimenting with different music from what i normally listened to when i was a freshman in 2003. one band i started listening to was fall out boy. i had that fucking cd in my cd player walking around school all day. i knew i had found something i loved. throughout freshman year i kept listening to them. at this point i was never really into going to shows, i went to the occasional linkin park concert but never really a show. i went to my first fall out boy show the beginning of sohpmore year. december 26th, 2004 at irving plaza. i remember it very clearly. i wish i remembered when i bought those tickets because it fucking changed everything about my life. i remember driving to the city with my mom and my 2 friends. it was freezing out. we waited online for like a half hour. the line was only up to the chinese place at the corner. we had tickets for the matinee show and the night show. it started snowing when we were online. things were soo different. there were people all my age or older, mostly guys. i remember being in that crowd so well. midtown gym class heroes and the academy is opened. those bands were soo fucking small, there wasnt even a crowd for the academy is. people were laughing because they didnt understand why there was a rap group on tour with fall out boy. i remember being in that crowd, singing, with like 20 sweaty ass dudes just all around me and on top of me. it was fucking awesome, the feeling of seeing and having a connection with all these people, and this band. it was so amazing. i would fucking give me life to go back to that day and replay it all. i dont care what people say about pete wentz or make fun of me, you dont know how i fucking got started. before they were this poppy band, they were fucking amazing pop-punk, they were fucking amazing. it gives me the chills just thinking. pete recently announced they will be played very secret shows during their upcoming tour and they will only be playing songs from take this to your grave. my world is going to explode the night this happens.

i feel almost as if i dont care about anything anymore, mostly school. but i know that i actually really do care because i know that i want to succeed in life, and do what i love. i cant wait till this semester is over so i can take music classes and actually care about going to class. i played halo till like 230 last night and woke up kinda at 1030 but i just didnt feel like waking up at all so went back to sleep. i dunno. i NEED to drop my online art class because i havent looked at the fuckin site since i dropped my other online class. my mom is gonna kill me. my room is a fuckin mess and i feel like a pig, i need a cleaning lady again but of course since my mom lives in manahawkin she doesnt give a shit about it. i loved the weather today it was so cool out. i love the fall, its definitely my favorite season besides summer. i really just wish i was hanging out with new girls because i need to find someone that i really care about and like. ive been thinking about this girl that i met 2 summers ago but she doesnt even live close to me, it sucks. shes so cute and beautiful and nice. i dunno =/. whatever, people probably call me emo and all that shit but i really dont care because i know i have a lot of feelings. i just really enjoy getting everything out. i dont understand how there can be so many girls my age in this area and i cant find one. theres this other girl that i really wish i went about differently with. shes so cute but now she has a bf. o well. i blew a lot of chances, i didnt think of it at all when i hung out with her but now i do. when i get a job im gonna be so happy, im going to have money and i can get whatever the fuck i want, i can go anywhere i want, and do anything i want. i cant fucking wait.

bands that i cant stop listening to: all time low (so wrong its right), the maine, metro station (self titled), blink 182 (enema of the state/take of your pants)

i always think about this one girl all the time at this time of night. it sucks. :[. id do anything to change her.

so nick got me sick, it sucks. i couldnt even go to my one class today because i felt too weak. after almost getting all the money i need for my 360 and halo, i uhh decided to try and make some more money so i guess i wont have halo 3 for like another week, it sucks. braves beat the philles tonight so im happy, mets lost, padres and rockies are losing so hopefully braves have a chance in the wild card. anyways i dunno im really tired and my nose is stuffy so i think im gonna get some sleep soon. PEACE

my friends are the shit. i always get this awesome feeling when im with them. 2 classes tomorrow then im done for the week! 5 day weekend woooo. cant wait till i get xbox 360 and halo 3 and skate its gonna b sweeetttttttt. anyways im actually fuckin tired from the phx so im goin to sleep.